The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It was Thanksgiving sex. I was thankful for it. Need I say more?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
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