We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I'm tryna think of an appropriate time to say "when I suck other dicks they seem like training dicks compared to yours" but I really can't think of a good way to say that
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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