My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
please stop referring to my baby as "your little fucker"
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
My penis is lonely
So is my ring finger
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