i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
We're the kind of people who ruin family vacations
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Looks like breakfast in bed is out the window. She can't get up because I "fucked her into paralysis." My stomach is not happy with my dick right now
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Randomize
