The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Please tell your friend to stop shitting in my closet.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
