my grand plan for the evening is to do shots of vodka til i cant anymore
We walked because you started screaming when you finally realized he wasn't Ben Bailey and it wasn't the Cash Cab.
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
