I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
Can I get my morals surgically removed?
Randomize