I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
