planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Is it festive if I masturbate to Santa porn?
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize