having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
just found his boxers balled up inside my tights, hidden in my freezer. damn i love college.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Inconspicuously
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
Randomize