is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
They made me leave the maternity ward, how do I get back in?
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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