absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Listen, I booty called my boss last night from the company phone. I may need to brush up my resume.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
Randomize
