he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Sorry for drunk singing "love hurts" to you at 3 am.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
