I think my vagina is haunted
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
