I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
