you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Randomize
