apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
Randomize
