Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
we ran out of wine so you tried to make some by throwing grapes and nail polish remover in a blender.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
He's just sitting there staring at my sisters teddy bear hoping it will come to life.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Apparently nothing brings out sympathy in a barista like asking if they have a hangover special
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
Randomize
