Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
After drinking all day I popped an adderal, slammed three beers in a row, apparently told the bartender "thanks bitch" then ran on stage.
Randomize
