He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
My liver is preforming stress tests.
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
Randomize
