i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
Randomize
