sexting loses it's worth when you accidentally text your boss.
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
I can't stream porn because Xbox live is taking all the Internet. I thought having a male roommate would make life easier.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
Randomize
