Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
i need an iv and a liver transplant
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
The pregnant Hooters waitress told me to "make good choices".
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
