And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
she played "i just wanna get married" by jagged edge while we were having sex. why cant i avoid stage 5 clingers
I have vodka an food stamps. At some point today, that will undoubtedly turn into jello shots.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
