dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
