Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
all i need in life is blowjobs and white cheddar cheezits
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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