fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
White boys cant dance....we did an empirical study
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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