Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
I will be naked everywhere
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Randomize
