It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
you got in your car and made the sounds of a NASCAR, then called me on your phone and I was your pit crew. then you apparently you won the race, and THAT'S when you tried to backflip off the top of your car.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
Randomize
