We're facebook friends in real life
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
Saw you fall down on Jefferson and a cop drove by and shook his head. How you didnt get arrested after the party you went to on saturday is beyond me.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
I might be getting fired on this week so the only option i see for tonight is to get smashed and have an orgy. actually this idea might explain why i'm not an ideal employee.
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