your thong is hanging out like whoa
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
just remind me when i get fired soon that august is the month i started pregaming work
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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