All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
At this point, I would light birthday candles in my vagina for free drinks
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Tell him I thought his Superman stand on your bed and cum all over your back was quite funny
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
No, it's okay that he's on a date. I attach no more emotion to him than I do my vibrator.
Randomize
