Godddamnit i jsu woke up in oharee. My connecxtion left an hro ago. Thosse flight atttendants can DRinK
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Randomize
