he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
I don't know if should be sitting on a toilet or kneeling in front of it
You had 10 drinks. On a first date.
I just masterbated then started bawling.
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
