When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
I always figured rock bottom would've involved more hookers
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
