Pappa wants mamma naked
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
