i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Just had a threesome for the second time in my life. I don;t even enjoy threesomes. Too much effort.
HOW DO THESE THINGS KEEP HAPPENING TO YOU?
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
The smell of pee and coconut conditioner still makes me think of him
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