yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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