remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
bring money and cleavage
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
Randomize
