Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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