maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
