no it's cool...i'm just drinking and studying...cool night
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
Not even official and he's cleaned my puke twice. His hotdog skills are an added bonus. I've got a keeper
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Randomize
