my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
THE HALLOWEEN QUEST WILL BE PICS OF US IN OUR COSTUMES IN EXCHANGE FOR DICK PICS. IT HAS BEEN DECIDED.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Randomize
