I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
Randomize
