There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Let's say we can see the evolution of our "relation" by his name in my phone. Pizza slice emoticone. Pizza guy. Jordan. Jo. Jackhammer Pizza Guy. Jockhammer pizza guy.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
