2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
My date keeps hitting on your friend. Had no expectations, but not a real confidence booster.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
Randomize
