you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Sex while Star Warsing is the best
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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