haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just sneezed cum. He better have a damn good day at work.
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
