Plan B is the new Plan A
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
What's your ideal size in a man?
I just asked if you could cover my shift tomorrow......
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
alll i remember is comming back downstairs, his pants were off and he was aplauding me
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
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