i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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