Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Balls are wasted. Waste are ballsted. Ballsd wasted
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hungover. No words. Just memes.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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