If he can handle my muffin top then I can handle his front teeth.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Randomize
