No. I was horrified and confused as to why you thought scrambled eggs and cottage cheese was a good mix
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize