Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
He had a seizure when i was giving him head. for a second i was thinking i was doing a spectacular job
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Also, beer. Big fan.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Irony: drinking your pre workout supplement out of the cup your Krispy Kreme doughnut holes came in.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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