okay pat passed out under dana's car
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
We don't really communicate like that.
Communicate like what?
Communicate like people who want to see each other when their genitals are inside their pants.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
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