it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
She's hidden vodka up her skirt and is riding a parking meter. Things can only get better
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
We're gonna start a pole dancing competition or a bar fight. Stand by for results.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Randomize
