We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
The worst part is I think my tongue cut his penis and now he wont talk to me.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
Dont be alarmed when you find the maintenance guy passed out on your couch. I didn't to explain why I was there so I offered him a drink, I dont know what happened after that.....
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
We need to feng shui this bitch.
Randomize
