The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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