my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
Well last time he got out of rehab he lasted 6 hours. So 3 days this time is quite an accomplishment.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
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