i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
So I just passed a billboard for "Risque Cafe: Good food and topless women". Fuck. I love SC.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
