I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I blew him and did charles barkley impressions at the same time. what a pro
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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