I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Its 11am everyones wasted wearing sombreros and eating fresh produce..cesar chavez would be very proud
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
I tried to breakup with him by telling I had a threesome. He one upped me by saying he had a 5-some so I couldn’t do it.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
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