What a fucking waste of an outfit
so howd the 'mom i only play with condoms' conversation go?
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
I'm thinking my boss switched to all cordless keyboards and mouses so that none of us would hang ourselves in the office.
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