I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I seriously don't understand how you keep getting laid.
Because I'm like the spider of false hope. I spin elaborate tales and snare them in my web of utter disappointment. They soon realize their mistake, but by then it's too late.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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