I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I wanna thank you for having such slutty friends growing up. Your a great little sister
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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