Are we in a gay sports bar?
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
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